my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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