i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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