I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
