I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
