That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So gin and wine won't be happening again
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
