where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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