just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
