:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
