We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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