Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
