After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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