well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
