Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
