everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
