Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
