I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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