Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
