This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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