I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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