I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was like eating out sand paper
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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