umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
