just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Michael Bay diarrhea
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
