I puked a lego.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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