Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
