Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
