I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
