and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
