just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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