I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
