That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
