Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
