Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
