No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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