You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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