Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
