I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
