Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize