vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
