My boss' voice literally gives me gas
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
nutella sex= disaster
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
