Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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