He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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