I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
third nipple confirmed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
