glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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