a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
