What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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