I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i believe in u and ur pee
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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