East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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