Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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