I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
