what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
