I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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