we're blogging at a bar
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
