dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
