Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
