I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
