he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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