Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
