Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had to cum in my sink.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
