Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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