Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
