First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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