You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
