My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
