He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
