Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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