Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
