you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
