Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
why do cheetos always look like penises
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
