Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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