i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
