All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
