I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
