She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
