Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
