you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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