I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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