I wish my penis had an off switch
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
