You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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