I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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