so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
