I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize