R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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