i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
