im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
