All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
