so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
false alarm, still single
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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