chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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